


Son of Barney

by kolbdog



Series: Day of the Barney [4]
Category: Barney & Friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-08-16 18:05:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8112136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kolbdog/pseuds/kolbdog
Summary: (Written to follow the action of "The Day of the Barney" trilogy) With Barney seemingly destroyed, the Church of Purple Love flees underground and vainly attempts to create a new successor. But are they prepared to face the hideous monsters their harried attempts create?





	1. Pariah

“He’s over here! He’s over here!”

The policeman waved his arms, gesturing towards a solitary figure racing frantically about the ruins. In the moments that followed, several squard cars and a few dozen armed officers stormed to the abandoned railyard. In the chaotic dance of glaring red lights and rumbling vehicles, the group converged on the last known site of their quarry. Among them was a ruddy faced man in his twenties, brandishing a silver revolver and a glistening brass badge. He held both at arm’s length as he and the others closed in on the cluttered cavalcade of overturned railcars and shattered timber. A few minutes later, the man lowered his arms and spat in disdain.

“Lost him,” he cursed. “They’ve got this place figured out to the last nook and cranny”.

“Detective Riley,” called one of the policemen, “come over here and tell us what you make of this.”

Riley slid his gun back into its holster and made his way to the signalman’s booth, where the squad was assembling. He was joined by Detective Malson, his senior on the force by twelve years. The men lined up along the booth’s eastern wall, and gazed at the word crudely painted in trickling purple paint:

NEARBY

Riley scratched his head. “What the hell does that mean?”

Malson crossed his arms and faced Riley. “It means, Gadfly, that you’re dealing with a Barneyian cult.” The older man dropped his cigarette onto the ground and dug it in with his heel. “ The last time I saw this kind of thing was three years ago down in Brooklyn. The word, “NEARBY” is an anagram of “Barney”, that fat purple creep who caused the Purple Holocaust a few years back. You might be too young to remember.”

“We studied it at the Academy,” said Riley, “but we never studied anything in depth about the cults. Anything else to the anagram?”

Malson nodded his head and looked back upon the paint-spattered wall. “Yeah, there is. Aside from just reminding the public that Barneyism is alive and well, it also serves as a warning.” Malson sucked in his breath and his gaze narrowed. “Rumors keep floating about secret organizations made up of specialists, namely doctors, lawyers, politicians, and other bureaucrats. But namely its the scientists that have people worried. People may truly think Barney died some time ago, but some suspect a well-trained geneticist could recreate Barney some day. And that day, according to the cultists.....”

“.....is NEARBY,” finished Riley, shaking his head. “Christ, who in their right mind wants to bring him back?”

Malson chuckled in his heavy, bass voice, “that’s just it, Gadfly. The people who want to bring him back aren't in their right minds. Now let’s get back to the precinct and see what we can map out of this area. Looks like a storm front moving in fast and furious.”

The two detectives climbed into a squad car, and the accompanying policemen followed suit. As the sky turned into a rolling, turbulent sea of grey, Riley nervously looked back at the railway station and hoped Malson was wrong.

* * * *

The storm exploded across the sky like an angry god, brilliant spears of lightning cracking the air into shards of light and shadow.

The rain drizzled sloppily down the cavern walls, wiry ivy strung about the bricks and crumbling mortar. In the flickering glow of a rusting street lamp, a tall, gaunt figure clad in a tattered purple raincoat steadily made its way down the clammy tunnels. The figure clicked on a flashlight and made its way to a series of doors. Checking to see that it wasn't being followed, it turned to a door painted a sickly shade of purple and rapped steadily upon its rotting surface.

After a moment, a hinged-viewport opened from the inside. A raspy voice asked, "Who loves you?"

"I," replied the figure.

"And who loves me?"

"You," answered the figure.

"And what are we?"

"A happy family. Open the damn door, I was told it was an emergency."

The thick wooden door creaked open, and the rain-drenched figure entered. It was immediately greeted by a short, balding man with wiry spectacles.

"Dr. Copernicus, you didn't waste a moment! By all that is purple, I thank you!"

Dr. Copernicus wiped the water from his brow and produced a pair of glasses from his upper coat pocket. He slid them on and gazed about the concrete room uneasily. "You'll want to tell Merrick it may be a good idea to relocate the Assembly soon. I see more and more police in this area with each passing day. Earlier this evening, I was almost captured outside the old railway station."

"Noted, Doctor", the balding man answered. "Now come down to the central chamber, it's not looking good at all!"

Dr. Copernicus peeled off his raincoat and strode down the ramp after the other man, who clenched his fingers and fumbled nervously. As the two men neared the central chamber, he became aware of screams. Screams of delirium. At the chamber entrance, the bald man paused.

"He was our best hope yet. Yesterday he was singing, dancing, exclaiming his love everywhere. But now," he said, opening the door, "this is what’s become of our beloved lord.”

Dr. Copernicus entered the room. It reeked of ammonia. Gurgling, squalid creatures known as Loved Ones wandered about hurriedly, dressed in surgical smocks and handling crude tinsel instruments. Several humans, also in surgical attire, were circled about a wide table. The whole scene was lit from a ceiling lamp, that teetered about on a frayed cord. The Doctor approached the table and pushed the surgeons aside. What he saw startled him.

Strapped to the table was a large, fat, reptilian creature with purple, featureless skin. It rolled its huge dead eyes about the ceiling, while its perfect white teeth were clenched in agony. Dr. Copernicus lifted the clipboard off the edge of the table and read its contents:

BARNEY PROJECT #18, Gestation period 7 weeks  
Developed by Dr. Krupper, Dr. Garrison, Dr. Gillman  
Planned completion date: Within five months  
Copernicus slammed the clipboard against the table. "The finest underground team of medical specialists has gone through eighteen specimens already? And this is the best they can do?"

"Dr. Copernicus," stammered a nurse from across the table, "your background in genetic engineering and alliance to the Church of Purple Love made us contact you tonight. Dr. Krupper and the rest have invested every ounce of their energy into making this project a success. Given what we have to work with, I believe we’ve done well".

"Thanks for the opinion," grumbled Dr. Copernicus. "But this is still slop-work at best. Look at the poor bastard! He's not lovable. Hell, he's not even purple, more a sickly pink. The skin's not plush and chubby, and those thick veins sticking out everywhere is a pretty long call from the one we all love and worship". He turned to the nurse and pointed to a bottle of pale blue liquid. "20 ccs of serum 33," he ordered.

The nurse filled the hypodermic and handed it to the Doctor. "What are you going to do?" he asked.

"I'm gonna put this miserable creature out of his misery," he replied, and stabbed the needle into the creature's shoulder.

The beast bellowed tremendously, and snapped apart its restraints. Its flailing arms struck Copernicus, sending him flying across the room. The deranged monster rose upon its spindly haunches, and tearing away the remnants of its restraints, began advancing towards a cluster of horrified Loved Ones, who were cowering in a corner.

"Looo-looo-loovvvee....me......loo-loo-loovvee...." hissed the beast, staggering and shaking spasmodically. Long tendrils of drool oozed out its jaws. When it got within a few feet from the whimpering mass of Loved Ones, it fell to the floor and died immediately.

The nurse ran over and helped Dr. Copernicus to his feet. "Are you okay, Doctor?"

Dr. Copernicus stared intently at the bloated corpse on the floor. "His maturity was something your bio-engineering didn't anticipate," he began. "The moment your precious little Barney Jr. hit the initial stages of puberty, those hormones of his began rejecting every chemical your crew fueled into his body. No wonder he was in so much pain. Practically every neuron of his body was on fire, his mind was blasted to ashes." He dusted himself off and cleaned his glasses. "Where’s Dr. Krupper?”

* * *

Dr. Krupper sat in his office, humming a tune reminiscient of “This Old Man”. His office was a dank, dismal cubicle of rock that was formerly a ticketing booth when the caverns were still a subway system. Following the alleged Purple Holocaust, the subway fell into ruin and was never reactivated. When the rebuilding of civilization began again, Krupper and some of his fellow cultists bought out the area and converted it into a secret headquarters for the Church of Purple. Worshippers of the Barney congregated on a regular basis, and Dr. Krupper was pleased to see that so many cultists were high-level officials. People of power, influence. Krupper idealized that the Church of Purple could inflict more organized impact upon humanity than the original Purple Holocaust. With all due respect to Barney.

Indeed, with all due respect to Barney.

For a moment, it had seemed that Barney was about to realize a second coming, with the generous aid of the late Disciple Thorton Marshall, a consultant of children's public programming. Marshall and his resources had brought the Beast of Purple onto the airwaves once again, yet the mighty plan fell through. Jeremy and Fran Phillips, long-time adversaries of Barney and his devotees, had somehow thwarted Marshall, leaving him, several dozen Loved Ones, Baby Bop, and most importantly, Barney.....dead.

Dr. Krupper closed his eyes and bowed his head. How could anyone do that to Barney? Didn't they see how much that wonderful purple dinosaur loved everyone? Wasn't that what everyone needed?

Still, the Church of Purple endured, hoping for a miracle. Then, in time, it became a very strong possibility.

Crucial breakthroughs in genetic cloning and cognitive implanting had occurred over the last decade. The founders of the Church of Purple Love secretly piped thousands of dollars into the illegal collection of Barney paraphernalia and eventually, reputed blood traces of the Purple God himself. The security and risk were high, yet it seemed immaterial when the chance to see Barney return from the lightless abyss was at hand. With some recent acquisitions from the black market, all the organic samples needed to recreate the Being of Purple Love were collected.

To date, however, the results were less than encouraging. Initial cloning attempts led to horrid and unspeakable mutations. It was as if the genetic codes were dilated and unstable. Experiment after experiment only yielded horror and frustration. Dr. Krupper and his team of specialists were becoming steadily discouraged.

Dr. Krupper looked at his aged, sallow face in the window’s reflection. Once he considered himself a happy man, very jovial and animated. But since Barney’s passing and the repeated failures to bring him back, the rosy glow in his cheeks and his deep-throated chuckle steadily disappeared. While many other members of the Church of Purple Love had somehow retained their perky and cheerful demeanor, he became what some of the church children called “a sourman”. He winced in the mirror again and pulled his goatee, making a dour scowel. Children could be so cruel.

Dr. Krupper jumped at the unexpected knock at the door. Dr. Copernicus walked in, a somber and disgruntled look on his face. He was a sourman, too. The two men stood in silence for a few, uncomfortable moments, then Copernicus spoke.

"My research into your last eighteen experiments show a lack of cohesiveness and organization. I'm not surprised you've had nothing but failures so far. Granted, this form of science is outlawed by mass society, but that's still no reason to be making monsters from the likes of Bunsen burners and third-grade chemistry kits. I'm asking you to let me work on the next subject."

A momentary flash of anger rose behind Krupper’s eyes, but the older scientist kept his calm and even managed a faint smile. "Please say what you would do different, Dr. Copernicus."

"You're working with genetically influenced embryos, based upon shaved cells from those supposedly belonging to Barney. What I plan on, Doctor, is to invest those genes in a more, shall we say, developed embryo. One with a more stabilized hormonal and physiological level, so we don't run into any more systems-rejections. I'm talking about a hybrid, Dr. Krupper."

Dr. Krupper's eyes widened. "You mean crossing those genes with an active, fully developed organism? Making Barney from a full-grown human being?"

Dr. Copernicus relished Dr. Krupper's astonishment. "Yes I am. A mature humanoid platform may make up for some of the instability we’ve been seeing in the clones’ maturational development. I’ve reviewed my notes and yours, Krupper. I need you and your team to find me living, human specimens to achieve success in recreating Barney. Then, and only then, will his Purple Supremacy fill the world once more”.

An unyielding silence fell upon the dark, gloomy chamber. Only a low whistling breeze and the steady dripping of water broke the stillness. Krupper smiled nervously at Copernicus, repressing his anger.

Outside in the rainstorm, a pack of gibbering, cloaked Loved Ones carried a squalid saurian corpse down a concrete reservoir and flung it into a churning whirlpool. The bulbous purple head glistened in the moonlight, its mouth frozen in an idiotic grin and its eyes rolled upward towards the frigid night sky. The corpse spun around in the polluted vortex of water for a moment, then was sucked down into the frothy blackness of the depths below.

One of the Loved Ones produced a small, hand-held cassette player and turned it on as if in reverie. The tape hissed and spat, then a spritely-sweet lullably broke into the night air. The Loved One held it out towards the whirlpool, swaying gently and cooing to the song:

I love you, you love me, we're a happy family   
With a great big hug and kiss from me to you,  
Won't you say you love me too?

A thunderbolt and flash of lightning shattered the violent night sky. The Loved One smiled, giggled, and returned to join his brethren as they returned to the secret caverns. On a nearby concrete railing, the steady torrent of rain began to wash away a recently-painted word, prophetic and ominous in its many meanings:

NEARBY


	2. Genesis

The door burst into splinters. The plump, blubbery Loved One technicians ran in terror as the bandaged and shrieking monstrosity tore across the room, flailing blindly and destroying everything in its path.

One unfortunate Loved One stumbled upon the steps, and was immediately clutched by the fat, purplish beast. It looked into the monster's dead eyes, partially hidden by blood-stained tape, and cried. The next instant the monster shoved the Loved One into its mouth and snapped it apart.

Dr. Copernicus staggered out of the central chamber, a blood-stained scalpel tightly clutched between his fingers. Several humans emerged from the tunnel entrances with rifles.

"Shoot it!" cried the Doctor, “shoot it now!”

The humans levelled a forceful barrage against the beast, bullets ripping into its sagged, purplish flesh. It roared in agony and fell upon the stone floor, gasping for air in the smoke-filled chamber. It looked up at Dr. Copernicus.

"...won't you say you love me too........." slurred the abomination. It closed its eyes and went limp against the laboratory floor.

"Problems?"

Dr. Copernicus turned and saw Dr. Krupper smiling in the doorway. "Yes," replied Copernicus. He didn't like the smugness in Krupper's voice.

"You see now that it's not so easy," said Dr. Krupper, "We are working on a forbidden project, and must make do with what we can acquire."

"This is the fourth Barney-human hybrid I've developed," said Dr. Copernicus. "By my estimation the first one should've been a success." He scrunched his brow and thought a moment. He turned to Krupper. "Tell me, where have my human subjects come from?"

"Well," began Dr. Krupper, "to insure secrecy we obtain your specimens from half-way houses, homeless shelters, and occasionally right off the street. People whom no one would miss, at least not immediately...."

"That's the problem," snapped Dr. Copernicus. "You've been giving me subjects unfit for laboratory use. Those kinds of people are malnourished, often mentally unbalanced. For this gene-splicing process to work, I need a more healthy, stable individual."

"Out of the question!" cried Dr. Krupper. "The Church of Purple Love must remain secret! We have teachers, lawyers, programmers, parents, even politicians registered within our clandestine ranks. Those people promise power to our Assembly. I will not risk it all just because you want us to go out and capture you a 'real' person. You will make do with who ever we assign you!"

"You will give me a better specimen or Barney, the Purple Lover and Savior, will not come again. I remind you that is why all of your 'specialists' are down here, using up what little time and money we have. All I want is your permission, Krupper. Leave the specimen up to me. I'll find someone to make the leap."

Krupper sat and thought for a few moments. He watched the operations team pick up the bullet-riddled corpse of the Barneyian clone and saw its pinkish blood seeping into the floor drain.

"Who are you going to use?" he asked.

* * * * *

Barry Clements watched the last of his pupils leave, waving at them as they boarded the bus. He checked his watch. 3:30 pm. This was his fifth year of teaching the second grade and he still barely got the children out on time. Frankly, he loved the work and would keep the children around all day if he could. A dedicated teacher, he was well regarded by the faculty as well as the students of Brookburg Elementary.

Leaving the school building, the dark-haired man threw his books into his Mazda and rolled out of the lot. He tapped his fingers to an old Santana tune and waved to a few more children gathered on the corner waiting for the crossing guard to arrive. The children waved back at Barry, and the teacher smiled warmly and continued home.

As he thought back on his years, he realized that for one incident, his record as a teacher was spotless. He had never struck a child, lost his temper, missed an appointment with a parent, and evaluations were always favorable. As he drove home, he remembered with keen precision the incident that happened his first year that may have well got him kicked out of the teaching profession all together.

It was just a month after Jeremy Phillips had made a public appearance on a television talk-show, retelling his accounts with Barney the Dinosaur and the Purple Holocaust. He raised an amethyst globe to the cameras, that revealed the semblance of Barney encased in the jewel, screaming in horrified silence. Cheers and applause broke out immediately from the live audience.

When it was mentioned the next day by one of the youngsters in class, Barry had defended Barney, saying that no creature was evil who preached love and kindness. Rather, Jeremy Phillips and his sister Fran should both apologize for the hurt they had inflicted in banishing Barney from the world. Barry then began to sing the opening chords of the Barney-theme song, until he realized his class was staring at him in awestruck silence and discomfort. He collected himself and immediately changed the topic to homework, but the distrusting look in his students’ faces told him he had said too much, too soon.

The next day he was called into an emergency meeting with the PTA.

It was the most painful three hours of Barry's life. Amidst the accusations and furor, Barry repeatedly apologized and restated himself. When it was over, Barry and Mr. Watters, the school principal, had a small talk. Mr. Watters told Barry that he was an excellent teacher, but one more mention of the “Purple Horror” in class would be inexcusable. Barry was put on temporary probation for the rest of the year.

Barry still felt the Purple Holocaust had been a massive hoax. That Barney and Baby Bop were actually friends of all mankind. Wasn't love and caring essential to the world order? Even the reputed atrocities and cruelties Barney had inflicted upon the world wasn't enough to sway Barry. Yet he agreed to keep quiet about those beliefs.

As Barry parked his car outside his house, he noticed a tall, gaunt man standing outside his driveway. He was dressed in a purple trenchcoat and smiled at Barry. The two men approached each other and shook hands.

"Barry Clements," said the man, "I'm Dr. Ian Copernicus. I have an exciting proposition for you."


	3. Caricature

Detective Riley glided the fluorescent purple marker from site to site, circling the areas where suspected cultists had been spotted, and checking off the spots where Barneyian articles had been left behind. As Malson watched on, sipping a steaming cup of Kona, the younger detective connected the sites and pressed his hands over the region he had just discovered.

“They’re not just using the old railways for routes, I think they’ve got a compound down there. But the circumference they cover must be close to thirty miles wide.”

“That’s a pretty big bite to chew,” said Malson, reviewing Riley’s map. “Where to next?”

Before Riley could answer, the dispatcher strode in, holding a transcript. “This just came in, guys. Head on to the wharf off of Admiral Way and I-77. Bring someone in from forensics.”

In seconds, a small convoy of patrol cars raced out of the precinct towards the waterfront, sirens screaming in the wake of the new day.

* * * *

Barry Clements looked about in astonishment. Dozens of people danced in mindless abandon, circling the statue that peaked near the ceiling. The idol bore an amazing resemblance to the one known as Barney, its arms raised in an invitating gesture to hug while its mouth hung open in an idiotic grin. Loved One musicians piped along in merriment, as the congregation of the Church of Purple Love giggled and pranced, clutching moth-eaten Barney and Baby Bop dolls. All Barry could do was stare, entranced.

Dr. Copernicus sensed the young teacher's surprise. He leant over and whispered in his ear. "You should see them when they get excited," he said with a wry smile.

"After the so-called Purple Holocaust I didn't think there'd be this many people worshipping Barney," said Barry. "I'm honored that you want to make me into his semblance."

Dr. Copernicus laughed out loud, causing Barry to jump. A hearty laugh seemed the last thing the mealy-faced scientist could produce. "I'm not going to make you into the semblance of Barney," he said, chuckling, " I'm literally going to make you Barney!"

Suddenly a gong broke the revelry, and the worshippers hurriedly returned to the pews. At the front of the idol stood Merrick, Head Priest of the Royal Order of Purple Passion. He was immaculately dressed in a purple and green robe, lined with gold fringe. On his head was a purple tiara with a gold figurine of Barney. He held a few withered books in his hands and rested them on the podium.

"Dear Special Friends, in the name of all that is Purple, I love you," smiled the priest. "Won't you say you love me too?"

"We love you!" echoed the audience. Barry looked and saw almost an even number of adults to children.

"Well, that's super-deeeee-duper!" replied Merrick, who began flipping through one of the books. "Today's lesson comes from one of my favorite books, titled 'Baby Bop's Favorite Toys', and not only does Baby Bop want to show you her favorite toys, she wants you to know, that she loves you. As do I. Won't you say you love me too?"

"We love you!" screamed the audience again.

Content, Merrick began reading from the book while the audience looked on enraptured. “Baby Bop looked outside. It was a sunny day, and she wanted to play. What toy would she bring to share?”

Dr. Copernicus took Barry by the arm and led him out of the shrine. "You'll have time for this later, Barry," he said. "Now did you cancel your mail and put yourself on leave?"

"Yes, I did everything you told me to," replied the young teacher. "all this trouble just to don a Barney costume?"

Dr. Copernicus stopped in his tracks. He scowled at Barry.

"We're not talking costumes, Mr. Clements. We're not even talking about plastic surgery. We’re talking about a permanent transformation that will bring you such power and the world such love that you cannot even begin to fathom its implications. Costume indeed, we're making you into a god!!"

The retort stunned the young teacher into a shameful silence. Copernicus grunted contentedly, and continued leading Barry further down the stairs, towards the central chamber. What the embittered scientist had failed to mention was that after Barry had given his leave and locked up his house, a mysterious explosion had erupted in the basement, reducing his home to cinders. Later that same evening, a fire had consumed his former classroom back at Brookburg Elementary, destroying many of his records and projects.

* * * * * * *

“Oh Jesus, I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Take a deep breath, Gadfly--this stiff has been baking in the sun and muck for a few days,” assured Malson.

Detective Riley looked again at the corpse. Fat, bloated, purplish, thick-veined, and horribly grotesque. A scavenging flock of crows had been picking away at it, which didn’t help. He knelt down for a closer look and clasped a handkerchief to his mouth and nose. He was mortified, yet fascinated at the grisly body before him.

"What do you see, Riley?" asked Sergeant Graham.

"Same as the first two," replied the detective. "Perfect teeth, big dead eyes, thick blubbery tail, shortened arms. Some sort of perverse cross between man and dinosaur. Haven't seen anything like this since..... the Barney the Dinosaur scare some years ago. Apparently this is some twisted attempt at a remake, a clone."

“Forensics say that it could’ve originally died from some shock to the limbic system,” added Malson, “I’m no scientist, but it looks like our Barney-wannabes had some kinda head trauma.”

"We need to set up more search teams in this area," said Detective Riley, perusing the region. Check the local reservoirs and see if it’s possible he floated through one of them. “

Riley watched on as a forensics photographer began snapping pictures of the purplish corpse, then made his way back to the car. Malson stood alone by the body as the rest made their way back to the vehicles, and couldn’t help feeling a gut-level hatred for the Beast of Purple and his minions. His mind raced back to the days of the Purple Holocaust, of running, hiding, and waiting for the killing to stop. He gazed into the dead, rolling eyes of the dead monster and thought of eternal darkness.

* * * *

In the basement, Barry shifted uneasily. He felt his arms. Since the injections began four days ago, he saw his skin getting plump, plush, and an off-shade of violet. Dr. Copernicus didn't explain the procedure in great detail, yet seemed sure of its imminent success. But within a week, the doctor warned, the major operations would ensue. Barry would have to be at his physical and mental peak for the procedure to be a success.

Barry picked up a video and slid it into the VCR. Soon “Barney and Friends” blipped onto the screen. In this particular episode, Tina had just sprained her wrist and was worried about going to the doctor. Barney reassured her that all would be well, and sang many songs and skits about visiting the doctor. Within moments Barry found himself singing along and giggling. I love this show, he thought to himself. He quickly found himself dancing and laughing to the Purple Dinosaur’s antics too.

From a hidden alcove, Dr. Krupper eyed Barry with a fiendish glare. He was angered that Dr. Copernicus had assumed control of the Barney Project, and wanted to see it fail. When night had fallen upon the secret compound, he would sneak into Copernicus' laboratory and see for himself what designs were necessary for success. All he needed was for Copernicus’ effort to fail. Disastrously.

Dr. Krupper's eyes fell to a thin bottle of red liquid in his pocket. It was labeled FORMULA 7966-D, and a sinister, glistening hypodermic lay beside it. Maybe it was time to "help" Dr. Copernicus in his project.....


	4. Prototype

Detective Riley glided the fluorescent purple marker from site to site, circling the areas where suspected cultists had been spotted, and checking off the spots where Barneyian articles had been left behind. As Malson watched on, sipping a steaming cup of Kona, the younger detective connected the sites and pressed his hands over the region he had just discovered.

“They’re not just using the old railways for routes, I think they’ve got a compound down there. But the circumference they cover must be close to thirty miles wide.”

“That’s a pretty big bite to chew,” said Malson, reviewing Riley’s map. “Where to next?”

Before Riley could answer, the dispatcher strode in, holding a transcript. “This just came in, guys. Head on to the wharf off of Admiral Way and I-77. Bring someone in from forensics.”

In seconds, a small convoy of patrol cars raced out of the precinct towards the waterfront, sirens screaming in the wake of the new day.

* * * *

Barry Clements looked about in astonishment. Dozens of people danced in mindless abandon, circling the statue that peaked near the ceiling. The idol bore an amazing resemblance to the one known as Barney, its arms raised in an invitating gesture to hug while its mouth hung open in an idiotic grin. Loved One musicians piped along in merriment, as the congregation of the Church of Purple Love giggled and pranced, clutching moth-eaten Barney and Baby Bop dolls. All Barry could do was stare, entranced.

Dr. Copernicus sensed the young teacher's surprise. He leant over and whispered in his ear. "You should see them when they get excited," he said with a wry smile.

"After the so-called Purple Holocaust I didn't think there'd be this many people worshipping Barney," said Barry. "I'm honored that you want to make me into his semblance."

Dr. Copernicus laughed out loud, causing Barry to jump. A hearty laugh seemed the last thing the mealy-faced scientist could produce. "I'm not going to make you into the semblance of Barney," he said, chuckling, " I'm literally going to make you Barney!"

Suddenly a gong broke the revelry, and the worshippers hurriedly returned to the pews. At the front of the idol stood Merrick, Head Priest of the Royal Order of Purple Passion. He was immaculately dressed in a purple and green robe, lined with gold fringe. On his head was a purple tiara with a gold figurine of Barney. He held a few withered books in his hands and rested them on the podium.

"Dear Special Friends, in the name of all that is Purple, I love you," smiled the priest. "Won't you say you love me too?"

"We love you!" echoed the audience. Barry looked and saw almost an even number of adults to children.

"Well, that's super-deeeee-duper!" replied Merrick, who began flipping through one of the books. "Today's lesson comes from one of my favorite books, titled 'Baby Bop's Favorite Toys', and not only does Baby Bop want to show you her favorite toys, she wants you to know, that she loves you. As do I. Won't you say you love me too?"

"We love you!" screamed the audience again.

Content, Merrick began reading from the book while the audience looked on enraptured. “Baby Bop looked outside. It was a sunny day, and she wanted to play. What toy would she bring to share?”

Dr. Copernicus took Barry by the arm and led him out of the shrine. "You'll have time for this later, Barry," he said. "Now did you cancel your mail and put yourself on leave?"

"Yes, I did everything you told me to," replied the young teacher. "all this trouble just to don a Barney costume?"

Dr. Copernicus stopped in his tracks. He scowled at Barry.

"We're not talking costumes, Mr. Clements. We're not even talking about plastic surgery. We’re talking about a permanent transformation that will bring you such power and the world such love that you cannot even begin to fathom its implications. Costume indeed, we're making you into a god!!"

The retort stunned the young teacher into a shameful silence. Copernicus grunted contentedly, and continued leading Barry further down the stairs, towards the central chamber. What the embittered scientist had failed to mention was that after Barry had given his leave and locked up his house, a mysterious explosion had erupted in the basement, reducing his home to cinders. Later that same evening, a fire had consumed his former classroom back at Brookburg Elementary, destroying many of his records and projects.

* * * * * * *

“Oh Jesus, I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Take a deep breath, Gadfly--this stiff has been baking in the sun and muck for a few days,” assured Malson.

Detective Riley looked again at the corpse. Fat, bloated, purplish, thick-veined, and horribly grotesque. A scavenging flock of crows had been picking away at it, which didn’t help. He knelt down for a closer look and clasped a handkerchief to his mouth and nose. He was mortified, yet fascinated at the grisly body before him.

"What do you see, Riley?" asked Sergeant Graham.

"Same as the first two," replied the detective. "Perfect teeth, big dead eyes, thick blubbery tail, shortened arms. Some sort of perverse cross between man and dinosaur. Haven't seen anything like this since..... the Barney the Dinosaur scare some years ago. Apparently this is some twisted attempt at a remake, a clone."

“Forensics say that it could’ve originally died from some shock to the limbic system,” added Malson, “I’m no scientist, but it looks like our Barney-wannabes had some kinda head trauma.”

"We need to set up more search teams in this area," said Detective Riley, perusing the region. Check the local reservoirs and see if it’s possible he floated through one of them. “

Riley watched on as a forensics photographer began snapping pictures of the purplish corpse, then made his way back to the car. Malson stood alone by the body as the rest made their way back to the vehicles, and couldn’t help feeling a gut-level hatred for the Beast of Purple and his minions. His mind raced back to the days of the Purple Holocaust, of running, hiding, and waiting for the killing to stop. He gazed into the dead, rolling eyes of the dead monster and thought of eternal darkness.

* * * *

In the basement, Barry shifted uneasily. He felt his arms. Since the injections began four days ago, he saw his skin getting plump, plush, and an off-shade of violet. Dr. Copernicus didn't explain the procedure in great detail, yet seemed sure of its imminent success. But within a week, the doctor warned, the major operations would ensue. Barry would have to be at his physical and mental peak for the procedure to be a success.

Barry picked up a video and slid it into the VCR. Soon “Barney and Friends” blipped onto the screen. In this particular episode, Tina had just sprained her wrist and was worried about going to the doctor. Barney reassured her that all would be well, and sang many songs and skits about visiting the doctor. Within moments Barry found himself singing along and giggling. I love this show, he thought to himself. He quickly found himself dancing and laughing to the Purple Dinosaur’s antics too.

From a hidden alcove, Dr. Krupper eyed Barry with a fiendish glare. He was angered that Dr. Copernicus had assumed control of the Barney Project, and wanted to see it fail. When night had fallen upon the secret compound, he would sneak into Copernicus' laboratory and see for himself what designs were necessary for success. All he needed was for Copernicus’ effort to fail. Disastrously.

Dr. Krupper's eyes fell to a thin bottle of red liquid in his pocket. It was labeled FORMULA 7966-D, and a sinister, glistening hypodermic lay beside it. Maybe it was time to "help" Dr. Copernicus in his project.....


	5. Duel

Dr. Copernicus looked at Dr. Krupper and the flabby, brainless, purple reptile standing beside him, who looked identical to his own "Barney", who laid unconscious on the studio floor. There was a moment of astonished silence.

"Where did you get that?" asked Dr. Copernicus, gesturing at Krupper’s Barney.

Dr. Krupper chuckled, and leered at his rival. "Why don't you tell him, Barney?"

The Krupper-Barney giggled and rolled his huge dead eyes. "Well, I'd say that my *special* friend, Dr. Krupper, regenerated me from scarce amounts of my DNA! And a super-deeeee-duuupper job he did, too!" The purple beast wobbled his sagging frame in a childish wiggle of glee.

"You son of a bitch!” hissed Dr. Copernicus, standing up and rolling back his sleeves. " You stole my formulas and wrecked my own experiment! You sabotaged my work and used it to your own interests!" He lunged at Dr. Krupper but was immediately shoved back by the Krupper-Barney.

"Temper, temper, Dr. Copernicus!" chuckled Krupper's creation. "I must say, you need to relax. Shouldn't everyone celebrate my return, despite who brought me back? Let's all sing a song!"

"You sing, Barney, I'm taking Barry Clements back to my lab to see what Krupper's done to him,” replied Dr. Copernicus, “ This isn't over, Krupper, not one damn moment!"

Dr. Krupper only shook his head and laughed at Dr. Copernicus. "Such a poor sport. Face it, I was on the right path all along. It just took time, is all. Now everyone come around and let's sing the True Barney's return!"

From amidst the rubble, children, technicians, Loved Ones, and other devotees of the Church of Purple Love came out and slowly approached the Krupper-Barney. The obese dinosaur warmly embraced his followers and motioned his servants to pick up their instruments and play. Noting the cue, everyone chimed in to sing the song that started it all, while Dr. Copernicus wheeled his Copernicus-Barney away on a rusty gurney....

I love you, you love me, we're a happy family....  
With a great big kiss and hug, from me to you,  
Won't you say you love me too?  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * **

Detective Riley searched the landscape and winced. He and seven deputies were situated in a desolate meadow, searching for signs of a possible Barneyian compound.

"Did you hear anything?" Riley asked a deputy.

"Hear what, sir?"

"Would've sworn I heard singing....an old and notorious tune that eludes me now...but it's associated with the Barney Cults...."

The young deputy closed his eyes and listened intently. After a moment he shook his head. "I'm sorry, I don't hear anything."

"Perhaps it's just the wind," muttered Riley. "But for a split second I really thought I heard singing....just wishful thinking, I suppose".

* * * * * * * *

Dr. Copernicus spun the body fluid samples in the agitator, seperating foreign matters from the collected plasma. Upstairs he could hear the Krupper-Barney singing and dancing. He knew they were taping new episodes. The first since Jeremy Phillips vanquished Barney's second coming. But while he should have felt elated to have the Plush Purple Demon of Love back, he was angry. Intensely angry. Dr. Krupper was receiving credit and admiration that was not his to have in the first place. And he did so at the cost of Dr. Copernicus' own reputation and place among the Church. It would be payback time before long.

Meanwhile, the Copernicus-Barney lay on the gurney, sedated and mindless, drool dribbling down its chin. He began muttering nursery songs and exclamations of love. It was hard to believe that not long ago, this freakish beast used to be Barry Clements, a highly revered and trusted elementary teacher. But given Copernicus' skill at surgery and psychological reconditioning, every vestige of Barry’s humanity had been stripped clean. Now only the essence of Barney the Dinosaur remained.

But something was still wrong.

Copernicus removed the vials from the agitator and began running them through the bio-filters. He plugged the samples into the main analyzing grid and began to sift through the many chemicals that composed the creature. Within time, he would have his answer....

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Merrick laughed uproariously at the zany antics of the fat purple dinosaur, who wobbled and skipped merrily with the entourage of children. Even the young child whose arm was bitten off by the Copernicus-Barney the previous week was having fun.

Merrick turned to one of his technicians and said, " I can feel it in the air again. Barney is back among us!"

The technician, a spindly middle-aged man with a pock-marked face, smiled and nodded in agreement. "That it is. We’re taping six episodes a day now, and when we get the resources to put him back on-air, there won’t be a person alive who can resist his will. He’ll be coined as the Purple Messiah, come back from the dead!”

"Hey kids," grinned the Krupper-Barney, "let's sing a song about how we want the world to be in a short while. Wouldn't it be super-dee-duuper special if I could go back out into the real world again, to share my love with all those people?"

"Yes!" shrieked the squirming mass of entranced children. "We love you Barney! We need you back!"

Dr. Krupper stood outside the studio, chuckling to himself and formulating ways to bring back Baby Bop and BJ. Now that the ultimate success had been achieved, he could relax a little and focus upon the resurrection of Barney's allies. They would be known as the Triumvirate of Love. With all three beings back and united, there was no way that civilization could stand up against such combined might.

Dr. Krupper ceded, however, that he'd have to sneak back into Dr. Copernicus' laboratory and review his rival's findings. That wouldn't be difficult, as he knew Copernicu turned in just a few hours after midnight each evening. Until then, he would sit back and enjoy the merriment. He wasn’t half the “sourman” he was before.

* * * * * * *

Formula 7966-D.

Dr. Copernicus had run the scanner twice. There was no denying it. The clear, red drug had been pumped into his experiment at some time, probably by Dr. Krupper.

Originally designed for temporary blockage of neuron transmissions for aversive therapies, Formula 7966-D could also cause permanent brain damage and insanity if administered in excessive doses. Which had happened to Barry Clements.

"You sick, twisted old coot," muttered Dr. Copernicus, pacing in the laboratory. He looked at his "Barney", still trembling and shaking on the gurney. "Barney, listen to me. You were of my own creation. You are actually known as Barry Clements, an elementary school teacher. I met you at your house one day, and took you here. I turned you into Barney the Dinosaur. Do you remember?"

The bloated abomination only giggled and drooled, rolling its head in mindless abandon. Dr. Copernicus was seized with the urge to cut the beast’s throat, and pulled a gleaming scalpel from a counter and approached the monster. Looking into its pained eyes, the scientist paused, and dropped the instrument to the floor. Copernicus ran his fingers through his hair, pacing about the laboratory. Struck with an idea, he then opened up a cabinent and removed a vial of milky green fluid. He emptied it into a hypodermic and returned to the Copernicus-Barney.

"I'm going to try to repair your mind, Barry Clements," said Copernicus in a calm, soothing voice. "I'm going to inject this into your arm, so it'll hurt a little, but it may unblock what’s affecting your mind. " He slid the needle into the lumpy, purple flesh and the creature cooed, and giggled again. Copernicus checked his watch. It was almost one o’clock in the morning. He was up longer than usual. But if all went well, the drug would be taking effect in a few moments.

A loud, reasonant clang from down the hall caused Dr. Copernicus to start. He quickly darted across the room and shut off the lights. As Copernicus waited, he heard approaching the sound of approaching footsteps. There were at least two intruders coming. Whoever they were, they were not here to see Dr. Copernicus. They would've called for him, or called from the gate. Copernicus positioned himself out of sight, and waited.

Two figures entered the laboratory, and turned on the lights.

It was Dr. Krupper and his variant of "Barney".

The Copernicus-Barney lay writhing on the gurney, seemingly oblivious to the visitors. Dr. Krupper anxiously looked around, searching for notes. The Krupper-Barney teasingly bounced over to the restrained Copernicus-Barney on the gurney and giggled and waved his paws about the other's face.

"Barney, cut that out!" whispered Dr. Krupper. "We need to find those additional lab notes so we can recreate Baby Bop and BJ!"

"Just having fun," chuckled the Krupper-Barney. "This laboratory is really fun to visit! Especially seeing Dr. Copernicus' effort to remake me. Isn't he funny?"

"It's not going to be funny if we get caught, now please, Barney, help me look for those notes!"

"Oh, very well, "sighed the chubby monster, still smiling lazily and wobbling about.

From the darkened corner, Copernicus glared angrily at Dr. Krupper. In his rage, a devious idea entered his mind. Quietly reaching into his lab coat, he pulled out a remote control and aimed it at a metal partition across the lab. Several mettalic clangs signalled the unlocking of an immense metal door.

"What was that!?" Krupper asked, breaking into a minor sweat.

"I've no idea, let's investigate!" chimed the Krupper-Barney.

The two figures slowly approached the far end of the room. As they did so, Dr. Copernicus snuck over to the restrained "Barney" and slowly unbuckled the straps.

Krupper and his Barney-variant stopped at the end of the room, and noticed some indentations along the wall. "My word, it's a secret panel or door," exclaimed Dr. Krupper.

"Very observant,” said Dr. Copernicus. The intruders turned and saw the lanky scientist and his Barney blocking the exit. "Stay right there you two, the door will open in just a second."

"What--what are you going to do to us?" fretted Dr. Krupper. "You can't lock us up, people will ask questions!"

"Yes, especially me, Barney!" laughed the fat purple beast. "I don't think you or your failed effort are going to get away with this!"

"Oh, we will, " replied Dr. Copernicus. "You see, I'm not going to wall you up. Too dramatic for my tastes. But you will have hoped I did once you see what's behind that door."

"And what, praytell, is behind this door?" demanded Dr. Krupper.

Dr. Copernicus smiled wickedly. "I labored for weeks trying to come up with a Barney clone. Like you, a lot of my initial efforts produced mutations. But not all of them died. In fact, you’re going to meet my early attempts right now!”

More clicks and whirs sounded from inside the wall panel. Dr. Krupper's face took on an alarmed expression.

"You...you mean, that behind that wall....all of your failed attempts...they're inside....."

"Brilliant!" screamed Dr. Copernicus. "And I thought you were so dense, Dr. Krupper! I had you figured out all wrong!"

The paneling suddenly receded, and out of the lightless space that loomed from behind, half-human, half-monster limbs and faces leered from the darkness. Dr. Krupper was instantly pulled inside by pudgy, purplish claws and his shrieks and cries filled the laboratory. The sound of ripping cloth and spattering blood accompanied the frenzy, and the Krupper-Barney made a sudden dash for the laboratory exit.

Dr. Copernicus anticipated the plush dinosaur's reaction. "Attack him, Barry, attack him now!!"

The Barney-like creation that used to be Barry Clements followed his creator's command. Flinging himself at the Krupper-Barney, the Copernicus-Barney opened his maw and bore his immense teeth. In the ensuing melee between the two Barneys, Copernicus fell back and gleefully listened to the dying cries of his rival, Dr. Krupper.

Glee suddenly turned to fear however when he realized that he had no immediate way to stop the frenzied half-Barneyian creatures he had just released. In a short time, about a dozen mindless, half-humanoid, half-Barney monsters would be loose in the Chruch of Purple Love, killing and devouring with a mindless passion.........


	6. Descent into Apocolypse

The children of the Church of Purple Love were the first to hear the bestial shrieks and growls coming from the lower dungeons. Confused parents hurriedly donned their cloaks and made their way to the corridors. Merrick, head priest and founder of the Church of Purple Love, was the first to reach the damp and dreary laboratory of Dr. Copernicus, from where the noises came.

Before Merrick's astonished eyes, Dr. Copernicus came crashing through the door, his clothes torn and ragged.

"Get out!" screamed the Doctor. "They're loose, they're all loose!"

"Dr. Copernicus," began Merrick, helping the Doctor off the floor, "have you lost your senses? What have you done down there?"

"Run, just run, and get everyone out of here immediately!" Dr. Copernicus broke from Merrick's grasp and fled down the corridor.

Merrick stared after him and cautiously made his way to the door. Upon peering inside, he was met with a horrifying scene...

The laboratory was nothing more than a smouldering heap of broken glass, spilled chemicals, and shattered furniture. Amidst this wreckage were various mutated creatures, half-man, half-Barnoid. They were pudgy, reptilian mongrels dancing and circling about the laboratory stupidly, except for two locked in combat in the center of the room. Merrick gasped when he realized what they were.

It was the Copernicus-Barney and the Krupper-Barney. The two were clawing and biting each other with horrid ferocity. On the floor was a curious looking object, it seemed out of place among the purple behemoths. Then Merrick realized what the object was. It was Dr. Krupper’s arm. Merrick shrieked in terror.

Immediately, the half-man, half-Barnoid creatures turned towards Merrick. The room went quiet. There were probably a dozen of the ungodly monsters clustered in the laboratory. Merrick slowly staggered out of the room. As he cleared the doorway the first of the creatures lunged out with its claws and idiotic grin and began chasing him. The others, save for the "Barneys" wrestling in the center of the room, followed suit.

* * * * * * * * * *

Dr. Copernicus cursed under his breath. As he looked out from an old subway entrance, he noticed a couple squads of police surveying the area. They were only a few hundred yards away. Any disturbance would bring them over and the entire Church of Purple Love could be discovered. Very well, he thought. We'll contain the beasts here and now. And if we kill some cops in the process, so be it.

Copernicus called down the main shaft and alerted several guards and Loved Ones, who, armed with rifles and crude spears, sealed off the exits to the compound and awaited the arrival of the monsters. Under no circumstances, would either "Barney" be killed. Just the failed prototypes.

Kill with extreme prejudice, he emphasized.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"My, you certainly are a playful sort," quipped the Krupper-Barney as he pushed the Copernicus-Barney down a flight of stone stairs. The Copernicus-Barney hit the concrete floor hard, and saw whirling stars flickering before its eyes. It tried to raise itself off the floor, but gasped and collapsed back on its side, breathing raspingly. From above, the Krupper-Barney giggled with glee and wobbled its gargantuan hind-quarters.

"Hyuk, it appears that I've killed that impersonator, now there's just me, the True Barney!"

The Krupper-Barney victoriously bounded down the steps and approached its fallen opponent out of curiousity and triumph. No more had the Krupper-Barney leant down over the Copernicus-Barney’s body, than it instantly sprang upward and clamped its perfect white teeth over the Krupper-Barney’s windpipe. The hot, purple ichor pouring down its throat was a satisfying reward. The Krupper-Barney gurgled and struggled frantically, flailing desperately with its stubby arms, trying to break free. But the Copernicus-Barney pressed its teeth deeper into the plush throat of its opponent. Within minutes, the Krupper-Barney heaved a final breath and collapsed upon the floor, in a puddle of its own steaming blood.

As the Copernicus-Barney lay on the ground, drenched with the dead Barney's ichor, lights danced and rattled within its head. Vague images and faces floated up at him, and a curious realization crept upon the creature.

He was not Barney. He was a man named Barry Clements, a grade-school teacher. But now he was monster, a twisted creation of a berserk scientist. The horrid realization hit the man's psyche like a steam engine, and his anguish exploded in a blood-curdling scream that shook the foundations of the laboratory.

* * * * * * * * * *

Copernicus emptied bullet after bullet into the raging purple behemoth that lunged at him. This particular creation had a human head crudely grafted upon its thick reptilian shoulders, while it dragged a spindly, hairy tail behind it. Copernicus fired a round directly into its mouth, the back of its head exploding against the stone wall behind it.

The monster hit the ground and quivered, muttering, "....Love me too...." until its final gasp.

Merrick turned to Dr. Copernicus. "That makes five, there’s about six more still loose".

"Yes," replied the Doctor. "As I said, Dr. Krupper broke into my laboratory and set them all free. The poor man must've gone insane to do something like that."

"I saw what was left of him," replied Merrick. "Poor fool must've suffered terribly!”

Dr. Copernicus shielded his smile from Merrick. "Yes, he was practically torn limb to limb by those beasts. They’re all very strong, very violent. Praise be to Barney that we’ve kept ourselves well-armed.”

Before Merrick could reply, an agonized scream bellowed from down the hallway. The men advanced, accompanied by a few guards and a small pack of Loved Ones. When they cleared the corner, they saw another half-man, half-Barnoid creature munching on a hapless group of Loved Ones. The beast was a thick-limbed monstrosity with huge bulging veins and open sores over its body. Its jaws were way too immense and heavy for its head. The creature had trouble standing upright.

"Aim at its neck and jawline!," commanded Copernicus, "those are it’s weakest areas!”

The Loved Ones and guards followed his suggestions and within minutes the ensuing barrage cracked the Barnoid beast like a steamed lobster.

"Wonderful," said Dr. Copernicus, loading his rifle. "If we can keep at this we'll save the compound from certain destruction".

A cloaked minion of the Church of Purple Love made his way around the corner. "Dr. Copernicus! Reverend Merrick! I've just come back from the hospital area. We’ve got the last few creatures penned in there. If we can get reinforcements, we can keep them from the childrens’ ward!”

"Good job,," smiled Merrick, laying his hands on the youth's shoulders. "In All That is Purple, I Love You. Won't you say you love me too?"

"I love you," nodded the minion. "Our fun and learning never ends."

* * * * * * *

Barry Clements stared at his reflection in the shattered pieces of glass on the floor. Every vestige of humanity had been stripped off his lithe skeleton, now heaps of bloated purple skin and blubber had been sloppily piled on. For the first time in months, he knew what he was and what it was to be Barney, the Purple Dinosaur. But he only felt horror and sickened repulsion at what he had become. A monster.

He looked at the Krupper-Barney on the floor, its throat shredded and stringy, thin wisps of steam drifting into the cold air of the cellar dungeon. Mortified as he was at his act of murder, he felt little remorse at the Krupper-Barney's death. Its twisted, sick motivations would surface no more to warp the minds of innocent children and naive parents. He picked himself off and made his way towards the laboratory entrance.

As he neared the western corridor, he suddenly heard cries of frightened children. He quickened his pace and made off towards the hospital.

* * * * *

"Dammit, man, fire!" screamed Dr. Copernicus, "they're almost on us!"

The minion and several guards frantically loaded their rifles and fired into the advancing wall of Barnoid-mutations. It seemed that the few remaining beasts were the strongest and most terrible. A small group of children were trapped between the monsters and a crumbling barricade.

Merrick came running back into the western corridor with a small metal case, and unclasped its contents. The case contained several tightly wrapped bundles of plastique explosives.

“Keep those things back,” cried Merrick, unspooling the wire charges, “one wrong move and we’re all history.”

"No promises, just get those charged!" yelled Dr. Copernicus, focusing his sights on a Barnoid-mutant's temple. His next shot brought the beast down.

The remaining Barnoid-monsters suddenly lunged away from the defenders and made an advance towards the children. The youngsters shrieked and huddled together, clenching their Barney and Baby Bop Dolls. As the gang of grinning, slobbering, pack of pudgy creatures edged closer, Merrick put the finishing touches on a case of plastiques.

"Get them away from those kids!” ordered Merrick, “I’m not setting this off until they’re away from them!”

Despite a volley of well-aimed shots, none of the cultists were able to stop the advance of the gibbering monsters. The children shrieked in terror as the remaining Barnoid-beasts began to paw and grab at their bodies.

"There's no way to save them," muttered Dr. Copernicus, "no way at all".

The next instant, before everyone's astonished eyes, the Copernicus-Barney leapt out from the shadows and flung itself upon the crowd of Barnoid mutants. The ensuing battle was unparalleled in its ferocity and grotesqueness.

Within moments two of the Barnoid mutants were dying, their innards spilling out onto the barren stone floor. A second later another one had both arms torn off, and ran off into the darkness, spilling a pinkish trail of ichor behind it. Now the Copernicus-Barney, Barry Clements, set about destroying the remaining two beasts.

While the three monsters battled, the children, spattered with blood and fragments of bone, came running back to the cultists. Dr. Copernicus held back on the plastique and focused the minion's gunfire upon the last two Barnoid-monsters.

As Barry Clements fought, he felt the pain sear through his body like fire from the scratches and bites he sustained from the beasts. His plush, purple claws locked onto the skull of one and with his newfound strength, shattered it like a pumpkin. The monster giggled, and as its brains oozed out of its nostrils, sank to the floor and smiled.

The last Barnoid-mutation frantically looked for an escape. As bullet after bullet ripped into its sullen flesh, the Copernicus-Barney lifted it off its feet and flung it against the wall. Its bones shattered like toothpicks, and within seconds the last creature lay dying on the ground.

Silence came like a heavy curtain, acrid gunsmoke drifting lazily through the corridor. The creature that used to be Barry Clements fell onto its knees, gasping for air. It had been a terrible battle, and Barry was the ultimate victor.

Dr. Copernicus steadily approached his creation. "Barry?"

The bleeding, fat purple dinosaur lifted its head lazily. "Are...the children...safe....monsters gone....?"

"Yes, Barry, the monsters are all gone. Our children are safe. Where is the other Barney?"

The creature chuckled. "...not good....wanted to steal minds of....the minds of your children....and naive parents.....was evil."

Dr. Copernicus patted Barry on his shoulder, and suddenly noticed to his dismay that it was dislocated. "Barry, I'm going to take you back to the laboratory. You need help immediately. We're going to make you better, help you get your mind back. Don't you feel that's a super-de-duper idea?"

"It's a super-de-duupper...........idea," muttered Barry. "What...what...will happen to me then?"

"It'll be incredible, Barry," said Dr. Copernicus. "We'll finish your complete transformation into Barney, and you'll be broadcast live all over the world. The Age of Barney will rise again, and the Church of Purple Love will dominate supreme. Those who do not follow your teachings will be purged!"

"....Purple Holocaust..." groaned the creature," ...like Jeremy Phillips said...."

"Forget what Jeremy Phillips said, that’s not important now,"assured Dr. Copernicus, helping Barry to his immense cushy feet. "Merrick, come here and help me."

Merrick put the charged bundles aside and came to help Barry. The three of them began heading back to the laboratory, as the surviving Loved Ones and minions began clearing the debris. The children returned to the upper level, back to their parents. When they approached the metal case of plastique, Merrick held the dinosaur back.

"Easy, big guy," said Merrick. "That's some touchy stuff, keep back.”

"Dr. Copernicus....I..am...the new beginning....another Purple Holocaust?" asked Barry.

"Such a loaded phrase, let's not call it that, Barry," said Dr. Copernicus. The scientist was growing noticeably impatient with Barry’s questions.

"Children....slaves....adults killed....death," muttered Barry.

"Such talk!" laughed Dr. Copernicus nervously. "Please Barn- I mean, Barry, let's move on. This is getting us nowhere." He noticed some of the Loved Ones and cultists were also looking uncomfortable. "Let's sing a song, a happy song," he suggested. "I love you, you love me..."

"...We're a happy family...." added Merrick.

"With a great big hug and kiss from me to you..." joined the Loved Ones and minions.

"..Won't you say you love me too!!" shrieked Barry, his huge reptilian face contracting into a purplish mass of agony, " Oh God, what have you done to me! What have you done!?!"

Before Dr. Copernicus or Merrick could react, Barry Clements, once a respected elementary school teacher, tore the metal case out of the priest's hands and flung it with unbridled strength against the compound floor.

The plastique exploded upon impact.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

At first Detective Riley thought the explosion was an ignited gas leak, but then he turned and saw the smoke. Huge pillars of concrete were flung into the air like pencils, and huge rifts formed in the earth. The sounds of twisting metal and cracking rock sounded like the death throes of a gigantic beast.

Call in back-up on the double!" Riley barked at his deputies, "and call in search and rescue crews, advise heavy machinery for excavation!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Tons of dirt and rubble cascaded into the compound, the cries of cultists and Loved Ones drowned out by the din of collapsing concrete. Under a shattered cement column, Barry Clements, his thick,blubbery, reptilian body slowly being crushed by the upheaval, smiled weakly. As he lay dying, the final vestiges of a Barney-cult died with him. The realization put him at a long-awaited peace, amidst the raging torrent of earth and mortar. The next instant the world lapsed into darkness, an eternity for the Church of Purple Love and its twisted machinations.

* * * * * * * *

It was twelve hours since the explosions had ruptured the abandoned subway complex. Squad cars, bulldozers, and ambulances dotted the devastated landscape. Detectives Riley and Malson surveyed the damage, as the afternoon sun began to sink further behind the skyline. One policeman approached the two men, wiping the grime from his face.

"How many are there, lieutenant?" asked Detective Riley.

"So far we've discovered forty-seven cultists," answered the policeman, "but that's just in the main corridor. Blueprints of this old subway system reveal at least nine other possible links. This is one of the largest concentrations of Barney-cultism we've seen yet".

"Anything else?" asked Malson.

The policeman's face took on a grave look. "Yes, but don't ask me to describe it. It's beyond anything I've ever imagined. Follow me".

Riley and Malson followed the man through the barricades over to an immense, open pit. They looked down and saw at least a dozen half-human, half-dinosaur creatures. All were purplish, with idiotic grins and plush talons.

"All the time, they were down here trying to recreate the horror," said Riley, wiping his brow. "Looks like they came very close to doing that, too."

“Indeed,” agreed Malson, “I’d say they were well within reach”.

"What should we do with those remains?" asked the policeman.

Riley sat and stared at the twisted and horrid corpses of the Barney-creatures. He clenched his lip and massaged his neck. It was very evident what the best thing to do was.

"Pour all the gasoline you can find and torch this mess," he said, averting his gaze away from the bloated purple flesh-pile. "Let no one excavate this site or examine those remains at any cost. Burn it here and now, and destroy any other specimens you find. We can't let this happen again".

Within the hour a fuel truck had emptied its entire capacity of gasoline into the ghastly trench. Riley watched in sullen satisfaction as the fuel was ignited, immediately absorbing the reptilian bodies in flames. The smell of burning Barnoid-flesh was sickeningly sweet. How very appropriate, thought Riley.

For a brief moment, the searing smoke and heat filled the sky and turned the sun an eerie shade of purple. The next instant it cleared, and disturbed the sky no more. Leaning against a rickety old ticketing booth, Riley gazed long and hard at the spray-painted word on its weathered surface:

NEARBY

In an instant, Riley became afraid again, wondering if there were any other cults such as this one, coming closer and closer to resurrecting Barney the Purple Menace to endanger the world. He swallowed his fear, contained it for the moment, and returned to the cold comfort of his patrol car. Pausing for just a second, Riley thought he heard children singing somewhere in the distance.

END


End file.
